This may be one of the toughest, most transparent posts I’ve written since starting the blog back in 2013.
It’s a hard truth, and I’ve had inklings of it for a while, but it’s becoming rather clear, and clarity’s a good thing right?
In 2008, I was asked, for the first time, to come help with a project here for a couple of weeks, and in 2009, I came.
That first time turned into a second, and eventually a third, until in 2015, we uprooted and moved here, remaining involved in that project among others.
Until last fall… I hit a wall.
Call it a burnout, depression, adrenal fatigue… I’m not sure exactly, but I’ve been working my way through it since. It’s no fun balancing supposed-to-be-faith-filled and being human.
Sometimes though, it becomes apparent that programs are more important than people, and you realize that your value doesn’t quite extend beyond the program. It’s a heck of a lesson to learn, and while there have been times when I’ve stewed… tonight, I’m grateful for three things:
- Firstly, God gave me yesterday something I’d need today; the John Eldredge quote talking about God “…the presence of a loving and strong father deeply engaged in our lives, to whom we can turn at any time for the guidance, comfort and provision we need.”
- Secondly, I’m grateful to finally have clarity. It’s better to know where you stand than to have to keep guessing: It gives a more firm spot from whence to start rebuilding.
- Thirdly, I’m grateful for help from unexpected people & places.
Grateful for one more thing as well…
France is definitely not always easy, but if we’d never come, I might never have found out that something as beautiful as purple pollen (phacelia) exists.
This sounds momentous Mike…
Heya Ben… oh ya know, it’s a ‘thing’ but this too shall pass… t’s’all good …went through some overwhelm and have been trimming a few things & putting others in place to keep better balance.
I am catching up-and I have enjoyed every one of your post . . .but this one is special. Godspeed, my friend.